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Duelling WILLIAMSES!

Posted April 7, 2011

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Meet the twins, Wessex (l.) and Warwick (r.) Williams. Handsome (and they know it), but decidedly different personalities…

Wessex: SO pleased to make your acquaintance, everyone; as our mother says, “Handsome is as handsome does,” at which I think we do an admirable job, though I must say I am the more accomplished of us in that respect –

Warwick: Yada-yada-yada **makes talky-hand gesture**…

Wessex: I hear derisive laughter; are you the cause of it?

Warwick: What if I am? **makes gesture again** You blather on, you know –

**FWACK**

Warwick: OW…

Wessex: Cur of a brother – for that pusillanimous slight, I challenge you to a duel! Return here in an hour’s time with your second and your pistol, and we’ll see who mocks last –

Warwick: Yada-yada – grrrrrrr….

Arbiter: **checking watch** Hmmmm…

Smythe (Wessex’s second): Your pistol, old chap, ready and able –

Wessex: Thank you, Smythe – I’m sure more than I can say for my ever-tardy brother – IF he even bothers to show himself *sniff* –

Arbiter: Ah, here they are –

Howell (Warwick’s second): **sauntering** What ho, did we miss anything?

Wessex: Only the designated starting time; you’re twenty minutes LATE!

Howell: Eh, don’t go getting your knickers in a twist then. We don’t do this every day; takes time to ready the firearm and such, y’know –

Warwick: Wes’ knickers’ve got a permanent twist… *snerk*

Smythe: Don’t let him get to you, Wessie old chap. They do it on purpose, to put you off your game –

Wessex: I know, I know – you see what I have to deal with *hmph*.

Arbiter: Now that the principals are here, shall we begin, gentlemen? Assume the starting position –

Arbiter: At my command, commence pacing in your respective directions, until I tell you to turn and face one another –

Wessex: *thinking* He is my one and only brother, and twin… still, I cannot let him get away with making sport of me, so he must be taught a lesson –

Warwick: *thinking* I’m missing lunch – for this?...**stomach growls**

Arbiter: Gentlemen, commence pacing!

Smythe: *thinking* What a noble bloke is Wessie; see how he carries himself so proud!

Howell: *thinking* We’ll nip over to that pub down the hill after this. Check out the new barmaid… heard she’s got a whoppin’ pair of melons…

Arbiter: Turn – and FIRE!

**BLAM** **BLAM**

**thump** **thump**

Smythe: Wessie – hang in there, old chap!

Arbiter: Seconds, check your men; I see we have both down –

Howell: Hmmmm…

Howell: Looks like my man here’s going to live; bullet missed him by a mile –

Smythe: Mine will as well, though he was touched, and some blood drawn –

Wessex: Warwick, you imbecile, I intentionally didn’t hit you, but YOU grazed the side of my head! What in Hades were you thinking?

Howell: Sorry, old man, but it is a duel after all; accidents happen –

Warwick: Pffft, it wasn’t like I hit a vital organ –

Undertaker: I came as soon as I could – is anyone in need of a coffin here?

Warwick: *pointing* Yeah – box him up to go!

Arbiter: I’m sorry, but as you can see, we’ve had no fatalities this time, so your services are not required –

Undertaker: A pity! Very well, then **casts longing eye** Do forgive my eagerness to be of assistance; business has been so slow lately –

Wessex: Well, Warwick, I hope this affair has been a lesson you won’t soon forget!

Warwick: Uh-huh… next time, I’ll take better aim!

Uh-oh – I don’t think this house is big enough for the both of them!

With this Easter story we can’t seem to escape violence, though –

Tea and Sympathy and Chocolate

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