ANGRYSPARROW.NET
A
Sparrows Xmas Carol,
With Apologies to Dickens
Posted December 24, 2012
[Home] [Biographies] [Stories] [Links]
Buddha
Girl: Eh,
Sisters, so it X-mas agin – wat we gonna do fo’
de festivalities, hm?
Angry
Sparrow: Dunno. Ma
flew de coop, so guess we on our own – agin.
Tragic
Plum: Oooh, we
should be used to it by now…Mama isn’t much of a nester…
Buddha
Girl: I’m tinkin’ Santy owes us dis year, since we orp’ans agin – guess we better go
fin’ de ol’ guy an’ give him a piece’a
our min’s!
Sister Serafina: I wouldn’t do that, if I were you, little Sparrows!
Buddha
Girl: EH! Who
you, an’ why you sayin’ dat?
Angry
Sparrow: Yeh, it soun’ like a t’reat.
Tragic
Plum: Definitely
a threat, and not a treat…ooooooooh…
Sister Serafina: I’m the Spirit of Christmas Past, and I’ve been
reviewing your past Christmases. Suffice to say, they’ve been more about
mean-spiritedness than goodness –
Christmas 2006, you threatened an innocent goose,
and waited to ambush Santa Claus –
(Link to full story: What’s
sauce for the Christmas goose?)
Christmas 2007, you trashed Santa’s house –
(Link to full story: It’s
the Gingerbread House of Horrors)
And engaged in an unseemly display of gluttony –
(Link to full story: Nourriture Pour Les Oiseaux Sauvages)
Last year, you hoarded your blessings from Santa,
and fought in front of Him!
(Link to full story: Falalalala…or, How
NOT to Spend Christmas!)
Buddha
Girl: It not
ALL our fault – dat troll tryin’
to steal our stuff!
Angry
Sparrow: An’ gooses don’ get in oven by deyselfs –
Tragic
Plum: Ooooh, I
didn’t mean to put my foot through Santa’s roof, really I didn’t… ooooh…
Sister Serafina: I see; what is past is past. There is always the
Present, is there not? Expect a visit from that spirit next; my task here is done,
little Sparrows, so I bid you farewell **exits**.
Buddha
Girl: Eh,
where dat angel lady get to? Guess you mus’ be dat odder spirit, den?
Angry
Sparrow: He a pretty swell dude, i’n’t he?
Tragic
Plum: Ooh, he
IS! He reminds me of someone we know…though not as tan…
Andronicus: From your palaver I take it my colleague
has been here already – yes, I am the Spirit of Christmas Present, here to have
a word with you –
Buddha
Girl: Hey, dat mean you in charge a’de X-MAS
PRESENTS, den? We SO ready fo’ dem!
Angry
Sparrow: Yeh, it
time fo’ sump’ting
GOOD –
Tragic
Plum: Oh yes,
there’s nothing like the PRESENTS – or is it PRESENCE of the presents?
Andronicus: Sorry to be a buzz-kill, little girls,
but I have nothing to do with presents. My job is to be about the Present, which is what we all are in
right now, and there’s nothing really going on –
Andronicus:
Now if you’ll excuse me, I have an
appointment with this lovely lady –
He Min: Ready, Boss?
Buddha
Girl: Heh, it
look like Santy been good to YOU! But
wat about US?
Andronicus:
Expect a visit from yet another spirit,
very soon – now I must be going **doffs hat**.
Angry
Sparrow: ANUDDER
spirit?
Tragic
Plum: Oooh, maybe
this one will be more Christmassy, I hope…
**rustle of leathery wings**
Third Eye
Blind: Well hey there little girlies – it’s me, the Ghost of Christmas Future, come to show you what’s
in it for you, heheh!
Buddha
Girl: You
don’ look very festive – an’ wat you gots under you arm?
Angry
Sparrow: Yeh, it
sure don’ look like a bag o’presents –
Tragic
Plum: And all
I see is ONE thing – I guess we’ll have to SHARE, oooooh…
Third Eye
Blind: Oh, you’ll
be sharin’ this one for sure! Where one o’ you goes, th’ others always follow –
Buddha
Girl: Wat you
sayin’, bat guy – dis our TOMBSTONE? Wat a cheesy,
cheap piece a’rock!
Angry
Sparrow: Yeh, it look it from dat Wallsmart place – wat up wit dat?
Tragic
Plum: Oooh, yes,
I was hoping we could have one of those big angels, when the time comes…
Third Eye
Blind: Sorry
little girlies, but that’s whatcher future’s got for
you. I’m just the messenger and clean-up crew; I don’t write this stuff. Merry
Christmas, and all that!
Buddha
Girl: *siiiigh* Dis SO not de X-mas I have in min’,
sisters –
Angry
Sparrow: Yeh, it kinda suck –
Tragic
Plum: Ooooh, I
wondered what that sound was…
Buddha
Girl: I – I
SO sorry, sisters. Dis not wat I wanted fo’
us. No Santy, and t’ree creepy people tellin’ us we so bad we don’ even gets an angel when we
dies *sniff-sniff* –
Angry
Sparrow: Aw,
sister, mebbe it not so bad – we be togedder den, jus’ like we togedder
now, at least –
Tragic
Plum: Ooooh yes,
sister’s right, we always have each other, anyway **pats hand**…
Imperious
Jade: Eh, why
de long long faces? Momma’s here! Come gadder ‘round,
chidrens!
Tragic
Plum: Oooooooooh, it’s REALLY
you, Momma –
Angry
Sparrow: An’ lookin’ real swell, too – see, sister!
Buddha
Girl: Gosh…
dis mus’ be one of dem
X-mas miracles – Momma!
Buddha
Girl: X-mas
is SAVED – we gots our Momma, wat else we want!
*grin*
Angry
Sparrow: Oh, I dunno – I wouldn’ min’ a present
or two –
Imperious
Jade: I gots some for you, don’ worry – NEW sewin’
machines wat ‘broiders *chuckle* –
Tragic
Plum: Ooooh, that
sounds better than tombstones…I think!
Ooooooh…
And 2013 may be the Year of the Sweatshops *wink*.
Switching holidays (and parents), we drop in on
the Jacksons’ Father’s Day –
Irving Enjoys His Father’s Day
